Caterpillar and Kitchen-Aid Mix It Up In Gulf
The gulf oil spill has resulted in some of the most unusual pairings we’ve seen in recent history. Kevin Costner has joined forces to fight the oil spill, which some experts say could eventually become a bigger catastrophe than Waterworld. New reports claim Caterpillar and Kitchen-Aid have come together in an effort to create the largest mixer ever called the Mix Master Gulf. The Mix Master Gulf has a hemi V20 engine and beaters measuring 32 feet in length and 12 feet in diameter. This may sound like a cookie dough lover’s wet dream but we promise you won’t want to lick these beaters. The idea behind this behemoth is to stir up the oil in the gulf and disperse it into manageable levels. It is certainly a risky endeavor for Caterpillar and Kitchen-Aid as Mother Nature is brewing her own competition. Experts predict 2010 will be an above average hurricane season which could render the Mix Master Gulf useless and with few alternative uses beyond Guiness Book’s World’s Largest Pastry competitions. Proponents of the Mix Master Gulf claim it will be more effective and clean allowing for more targeted use while Mother Nature claims “Experience is the key and I’ve been doing this a long time.”
Environmentalists are in a huff at the concept claiming that mixing the oil up will minimize the disaster and hurt their chances of passing stupid economy killing legislation. Rush Limbaugh explained away irrational environmentalist fears doing things granolas avoid like research, math, and fact checking. Using the high end estimates for oil pouring into the gulf he came to this conclusion.
“There are 660 quadrillion gallons of water in the Gulf of Mexico. So 20,000 barrels of oil a day times 120 days -- that's four months since the spill -- times 42 gallons -- that's how many gallons are in a barrel -- that equals 100.8 million gallons of oil released. And that's not good, don't misunderstand. Wherever it ends up, on the Gulf, onshore, it ain't good, it's not good, don't misunderstand me. 108 million gallons of oil divided by 660 quadrillion gallons of water is one gallon of oil for every 6.6 billion gallons of water in the Gulf. One gallon of oil, not barrel, one gallon of oil for every 6.6 billion gallons of water in the Gulf. To bring this down to a size that everybody can understand, that is the equivalent of roughly one millionth of an ounce of oil in a typical bathtub full of water.”
We promise to follow this endeavor closely but are skeptical that anything effective will be implemented anytime soon. The Obama administration needs to prostitute the oil spill as much as possible to garner support for cap and trade. The course of action experts close to the administration expect it to implement is dumping trillions of dollars into the gulf with hopes that the money will soak up the oil. Similar strategies have already been implemented with little success in the car industry, banking industry, and very soon, public education.
Tyson Bam
June 19th, 2010
