Rancor News: Liberal Tears Don’t Fix Oil Spill
I’d like to take this time to let everyone know that there has been a gigantic oil spill down south. If you haven’t heard already, the Gulf of Mexico is greasier than a swimming pool after a drunken frat party. Tragic? Yes. Bad for the cute little critters down there? Of course! Sad? Cry me a crude oil ocean. Is anything worth listening to every liberal on the earth bitch and complain about how “their ecosystem” is being ruined and all of the tasty sea turtles are dying? If I had a knife to stick in the eyes of every person I’ve heard say that, I’d use that knife to cut my ears off. I’m tired of hearing about it. Only then would I begin getting all stabby. I saw a picture on the New York Times online of a lady, in New York City, standing in front of a BP Billboard, covered in water and black paint. How clever!! It looks like oil!! I wish it would have been real oil. Just one less person we have to hear complain about their planet being ruined by a little oil spill. You live in New York City crazy lady with no life. It’s not your state. They aren’t your pets. Take your pity pill and go protest the Muslims that are getting two Mosques at Ground Zero. Leave me and Louisiana alone. It's crazy butt holes like that pushed drilling out into the middle of the ocean with no proven way of capping a spill. It's people like you who think caribou are so retarded they are going to break their necks on an oil derrick in the middle of bum f#&k Alaska.
Obama was quoted in saying “Just plug the hole damnit”. Oh my Koran. I’m sure the BP's Executive Vice President of Operations is just swimming in his money and slapped him self on the forehead and said “well shit, why didn’t I think of that?” Our president has turned into the creepy guy at work who stands awkwardly close, looks over your shoulder and asks, “What are you doing now?” Here’s my thing, if you don’t have a better idea on how to fix this problem, take your pity pill and go sit on the back of the bus or the front of the bus or wherever you have to go to stop being a jackass. Here’s an idea. Why don’t you go down there for longer than 6 hours and do more than take politically driven photos for your little scrapbook entitled “Look What I Did in America Grandma”. Oh wait, you’re in Chicago vacationing. Oh wait, there's a Paul McCartney concert you really have to see. It's a matter of national security you say? But really, that’s neither here nor there. It doesn’t really matter what golf course you shoot a 69 on. Fact is we’re getting the raw end of that 69.
In closing, I’d like to extend an invitation to any liberal out there to come down to Louisiana and help clean up this spill. I hear that liberal skin and hair really soaks up that slimy substance. So come on down! We’ll be more than happy to host you, but not your ideas. So remember, if you do come, bring your box of tissues because I’m sure your pansy ass will shed a tear or two. Not from the sights you’re going to see, but probably from me being “mean” to you. Don’t worry if you forget your pity pills and gag, I have plenty.
Dakota Blake
