Rancor News: Democrats CAN'T REED The Arizona Bill
Accusations have run wild from the Republican Party who criticized Democrats for not reading the Health Care bill before passing it. In recent days the new Arizona Law has become an increasing target of Democratic ire. Attorney General Eric Holder, and Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano have criticized the bill then been chastised for admitting having never read the bill. Republicans are in a huff about it as expected but a new study has brought some new perspective to the issue. The Center of Really Important Stuff, a bipartisan think tank, recently released a report showing that 63% of Democrats cannot read and 82% of Democratic government officials are illiterate. The report was quickly addressed by serious media groups like Media Matters who had this to say. “Once again the Republican Party is going after the little guy. They don’t care about education in this country. You would think they would have some sympathy for Democrats who rose to the top of politics despite being illiterate. Criticizing them for not reading legislation is a new low for them.”
Napolitano and Holder have since come clean on their illiteracy and have been embraced with open arms for providing an example to children everywhere. Holder stated in a press conference, “If there is one thing I want children to take away from this it is this…You don’t need to be able to read to succeed.” Arne Duncan, Secretary of Education is seizing the moment starting an education initiative she is calling, “Don’t Read to Succeed.” President Obama even took a moment to chime in on the controversy admitting he could read but had always struggled with math. He explained that may be why some of the numbers from the stimulus package and the health care law may not add up exactly. He did however clarify that he got most of his information on the bills while looking over Peter Orzag’s shoulder. He feels the numbers were reasonably accurate since Orzag normally gets A’s.
The Fox Media goons pressed Obama asking whether or not he had read the Arizona Law being one of the few literate Democrats who has commented on the issue. He responded that he has not but he will as soon as it is loaded into his teleprompter. In the fallout it seems that Republicans have begun losing what ground they had picked up in recent months. In a new bipartisan partisan poll from MSNBC 73% of Americans viewed Republicans as hating illiterates. Rachel Maddow chimed in saying, “The GOP is heartless. They just can’t stand illiterates. They want everyone to read.” Sean Hannity reported on the story in his recurring segment, “Waste 102,” criticizing the administration for spending $150k on Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? and The Very Hungry Caterpillar. In other news however Eric Carle’s publisher Harper Collins saw their stock increase almost 400% and investors are bullish about the stocks future.
Tyson Bam
