Bush Fails to React to Oil Spill
Over a month after a pipeline burst spewing millions of gallons of oil across the southern coast George Bush is still nowhere to be found. He is presumably resting in his fortress of solitude in Crawford, Texas. Democrats have been quick on the offensive questioning his leadership ability particularly in times of crisis. One Democratic staffer quipped, "It has been over a month and he still hasn't finished reading My Pet Goat." This disaster couldn't have happened at a worse time for Bush as Republicans were finally starting to gain some political traction leading into the 2010 midterm elections. A GOP insider who wished to remain anonymous was quoted saying, “This is absolutely devastating. It is like he has no responsibility.” The press has had similar criticisms for Bush distancing himself from the crisis but Jon Stewart had a different take."This has Bush all over it. Let's put a big container on top of it...nope, nope that didn't work, let's put a little top hat on it....nope, nope, what if we just shot a bunch of junk in the pipe and crossed our fingers. Let’s call it the junk shot! Who else could think of stuff like this?"
Celebrities across Malibu and Beverly Hills have come together to raise money for those hurt most by the disaster. Angelina Jolie is adopting two children from Louisiana continuing her divine quest to gather two children from every place on earth. Funny man Mike Meyers hosted a telethon but was caught in an awkward exchange when Kanye West revealed all saying, "George Bush doesn't like black gold." Actor Sean Penn got in on the action taking a paddle boat and a fourteen man crew to do make up, hair, costume, direct, and film him while he used dixie cups and clumps of Britney Spears’s hair to clean up the spill.
The crisis drags on and until Bush reacts to the disaster; criticism will continue to mount. There is no word yet whether Bush has had any contact with “Brownie” but with such intense scrutiny it is only a matter of time until something else is found to blame on him.
In other news, Barack Obama played an amazing round of golf today shooting 6 under. He will be donating his golf balls to the oil clean up effort so they can be used in the junk shot. Later in the day he also cured cancer, ended world hunger, slayed a dragon, and then took Michelle out for date night.
Tyson Bam
